On my profile I said I’m interested in guys up to 35, he’s 40. These 2 messages were sent within 10 mins of each other.
S: The phrase “engaging in sex” would never make me want to do so with somebody. Ew.
My cut-off age is 40, I had a 55-year-old say something similar to me, and then tried negotiating after I apologized and said the age difference is uncomfortable for me.
This is a serious question, so please don’t blast me for it. Has anyone ever gone to therapy to find out why “the age difference is uncomfortable”?
It seems like there is this notion that all older men are “Sitting on a park bench — eyeing little girls with bad intent. Snot is dripping down his nose — greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.” - Aqualung, Jethro Tull
The following are all over 50:
Tom Cruise (ok, kinda creepy)
Lou Diamond Phillips
I’m getting the strong impression you’re over 40, don’t feel like you’re that age, and don’t appreciate when women 10+ years younger than you say you’re too old for them no matter how it’s worded. If someone says they’re not comfortable with your age, no matter the situation, you just need to learn to accept it. They have a problem for a reason, sometimes that reason is nothing more than they’ve never found themselves attracted to someone that much older.
Personally, I’m a 30-year-old who is constantly being told I look at least 10 years younger. People usually assume I’m not even 18 yet. Try to imagine you’re a woman who keeps being told you look like jailbait, and a man your father’s age is trying to take you on a date. That’s not romantic, that is downright creepy. I have literally been told “Dating you would be like dating a teenager, only legal.”
Before you try to claim you’re not like that, that not all older men are creepy perverts, please believe that it does not matter. The idea of dating someone as old as either of my parents is not appealing to me, especially when my first thought is “He might only be interested because I look even younger than I am.” That is a disgusting thought to have and I don’t want to date someone who makes me feel that way. I do not want to date someone who makes me feel uncomfortable.
If my assumption is correct and you are an older man who can’t help but feel offended when a woman states she doesn’t like older men, I’m sorry but there’s really no other option than for you to just accept that. Maybe you should go to therapy to discuss why you can’t handle hearing “I don’t want to date someone 20+ years older than me.”
As you stated so eloquently, the problem with the age difference is yours. It is your own assumptions and predjudices that make you uncomfortable.
I’m not trying to bash anyone, I’m only trying to understand others’ opinions and share my own. And in the end, how old I am has just as little bearing on my character as being overweight, or female, or short, or tall does. Your statements imply that the only quality you have that could appeal to an older man is youth, and that is really selling yourself short.
I’m just asking you, please do not assume that the *only* reason a man might be interested in you is because you look like jailbait. I’m sure you have a plethora of other, more intersting qualities that a man of any age would appreciate.
And yes, I am over 40 and I’m tired of being made to feel irrelevant. Much like women don’t want to be judged by the fact that they are women, I don’t want to be judged for my age. Do you not see where the bias and predjudice is exactly the same?
You are literally telling me “I’m a nice guy. There’s more to me than my age. Women need to stop having boundaries and just give me a chance.”
I think I’m pretty fucking rad but if someone states they’re not interested in fat chicks, I see that as “Well, your loss, you don’t get the chance to get to know me.” I don’t pout and tell them to just give me a chance.